Who decided we need a half pound burger? Seriously? Add in an oversized (and I mean extra thick) “artisanal" bun, be it pretzel, brioche, challah, ciabatta, a half inch to three quarters inch or more of condiments (extra thick home style pickles, tomato, onion rings/straws, peppers, and whatever the heck else, the single burger is now a 4” tall knife and fork meal.
Mind you, I don’t eat out any more but read menus like 13 year old boys read their dad’s porn magazines, and I am now seeing 10 and 12 ounce burgers becoming the norm. Give me a GenDare from Fritz’s (a local burger place) any day of the week. Reminiscent of an old-time bowling alley burger, Fritz’s uses about 1/10-1/8th of a pound of ground beef (smushed flat and slightly crispy on the edges), mustard, pickles, grilled onions, a normal, flat, grilled bun, and for the piece-de-resistance, a small layer of crispy hash brown potatoes. The entire sandwich is maybe 2” tall. The only thing that could make it more perfect is a fried egg.
In my internet menu stalking, I have noticed that while
burgers are becoming unmanageable unless you bring a crane, in “fine”
restaurants, the food is becoming smaller, and precious to the point of making
it appear the chef is going for his degree in fine art, not cooking food. I can't even identify this plate of alleged food.
Even favorites like Mexican and Italian are getting in on the stupid sized food act. Must chefs compare the size of their schwartz's even in the kitchen? Who really wants 10 layer lasagna or a 22" burrito?
Now they are getting crazy with giant and artsy fartsy desserts. Is there a plate big enough for a slice of pumpkin/apple/pecan pie-cake?
What about a cheesecake that takes longer to decorate a slice of than to eat (and looks like a hyperactive three year old high on Halloween candy built it)?
And lastly, is it even possible to get a frosty malt and wooden spoon at a baseball game these days or are we forever doomed to precious little piles of fluff like a churro dog? I am afraid for the fate of normal food. As they said in Spaceballs, we've gone plaid.
